You know what? Fuck your grease covered turkeys!
"I just got a new smoker, Char-Broil horizontal with a nice big firebox and a digital remote thermometer that kicks so much ass I can just sit in the lounge and know how hot the internal temp on my meat is."
Really? That's great. Have you ever deep fried a turkey?
"What the fuck does that have to do with my new smoker? Its a freakin' smoker, not a deep fryer, its a smoker. So in answer to yer question no I haven't ever fried a turkey."
Well how long does it take you to smoke a turkey?
"Somewhere around 10 to 12 hours. Hell I maybe smoke one a year if that"
Jeez, 12 hours? You can fry a turkey up in an hour. That's how long it takes my uncle/brother/lover/father/friend/cousin to do one.
"I can smoke a turkey in 2 hours and put it in the oven for a few more hours to finish it off if yer in such a fucking hurry you need a fucking turkey cooked NOW! Actually if you're going to cook a turkey you know days, weeks, or sometimes even months in advance that you're going to need to cook a turkey. So what I do is smoke one over 12 or so hours and they're damn delicious."
Still that's 11 hours more then a deep fryer, and the fried birds are delicious and also are good for you.
"Do you underfuckingstand you are comparing sticking a bird in hot oil to slow-smoke-sweet-BBQing a bird up?"
12 hours is a long fucking time Circus.
"Even if you fried the fucker for 6 hours it still wouldn't have the smoky goodness that my birds are swimming in. How can you compare the 2 ways of cooking? Why is it that every time I say I have a smoker, someone has to pipe in with their 'ever fucking fried a fucking turkey in fucking oil?'"
Well I don't have the kind of time you have Circus.
"It has nothing to do with time, but it has everything to do with you being a self righteous prick brining up turbo cooking, who the fuck are you Ron Popeil? Ok, listen, now if I were to have said 'I just bought a new Volkswagen Jetta' then would you have said, 'have you ever bought a Porsche 911 they go like 10 times faster'. Are you just showing that you can add a little bit more CO2 to the air I'm breathing? I smoke because I like the tender deliciousness that the smoker Gods provide. I don't own a turkey fryer for the same reason I don't wear a mesh-back baseball cap everyday and cut the sleeves off my t-shirts, I'm just not that white of trash. What's the most common news report in November and December every year? Yep another trailer park or HUD home has gone up in smoke due to a turkey fryer being knocked over or filled all the way to the top before a bird is put in to the hot bath. Don't come to my BBQ and start talking about frying okay? That's great that yer Uncle Buck has a fryer, I'm happy for the fat bastard, but you know what else is fried? Donuts, fries, corn dogs, and I could go on and on about all this shit that's getting fried, but apparently the only good use for a fryer is turkey. When was the last time you fried a ham? What about a sweet fried brisket? Fried Salmon? See I didn't think so, my smoker can smoke the hell out of anything, so go home to yer fryer and stick a rack of ribs in it for 5 seconds then come back to my BBQ and tell me that frying is the end-all be-all of fucking cooking."
- I've had the previous conversation weekly since I started smoking in 1999
Before I forget here's some pics of Trebuchet they really really rocked the Side Show last weekend.
And also before I forget, The Heaters played my show 2 weeks ago here's some fine pics of these young lads.
Don't forget folks, its radiothon time, I've got Radiothongs and my new CD Circus Browns Snackbox to give away this Saturday 10pm to 1am on KRCL 90.9 FM krcl.org